We are creatures of habit. I like to start my morning with a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal and check my email before I jump into the shower. At night, I have to put a cup of water by my bed and check on my dog one last time before I fall asleep. I like to do certain things in a specific order and I don’t always like it when I have to change my habits.
Some habits are good for us, like praying before dinner, but others are bad, like chewing our nails. One thing that we can be sure of is that over time habits will develop and change and once something becomes habit it’s hard to break.
My husband puts his shoes on at 7:05am before sitting down for a cup of coffee and leaving for work at 7:20. Once I asked him if he could wait and put his shoes on right before he left and he told me no! He didn’t have a reason for putting his shoes on early, it was just his habit.
While I can let the shoe thing go, there are habits that develop in our marriages that we need to squash like an angry wasp before they get out of control. These are habits that can potentially hurt our marriage and cause resentment between a husband and a wife. Today I’m sharing 6 habits to avoid in marriage and I have to be the first to admit that I am guilty of a few of these!
Belittling Each Other
I feel like we do this a lot easier than we should. Get a group of women together and soon they are going to be complaining about their husbands. And I get it because my husband does things that annoy me as well. But we can’t let our words turn into a husband bashing session. A little harmless gossip might be okay, but be careful how you talk about your husband to others. You should put him down in front of others or talk bad about him on social media. Family is really tricky as well. Chances are that your husband tries really hard to impress your parents so belittling him in front of them would really upset him.
No one likes to be belittled. Instead, control your emotions and discuss problems with him in private without hurtful words.
Putting Others First
Your husband comes first. Kids are important, but they are not the most important part of your marriage. It’s you and your spouse. Be careful that you don’t let anything come between you two and remember that they always comes first. You or your husband might have an opinionated parent that you feel like you need to satisfy. While their guidance is almost certainly given with love, putting what your parents want above what your spouse wants is a big no-no as it will just lead to resentment.
You shouldn’t have to choose between your spouse and someone else. You should always choose your husband. Your relationship with him is the most important one in your life.
Hiding Things From Each Other
Secrets, even the smallest of lies, can quickly escalate and get out of control. You need to tell your spouse the truth. If something is bothering you, the longer you hide it from him, the bigger the problem will become. The same goes with purchases. Don’t try to hide purchases from your spouse. Is a new purse really worth a lying to your husband? You and your husband need to be on the same page. Don’t hide things from each other no matter how large or small it may be.
If you do feel like you need to hide something from your husband, there is probably a bigger issues underneath the lie. Examine your life and try to address that issue. If your husband has done something wrong, then you need to talk to him about it or seek advice from someone that you trust. If you have made a mistake, talk to your husband and get the help that you need.
Placing Blame Where it Doesn’t Belong
I like to call this the ‘If only’ habit. I can hear the ‘if onlys’ now. We could have gone on vacation this year, if only you didn’t buy that new TV. Our house would be clean, if only you would get up and help me. If only, if only! Sometimes things happen in life that we cannot control. Don’t take out your anger on a husband who can’t change the situation for your.
Likewise, having a bad day at work or an exhausting day with the kids doesn’t give you the right to come home and let all your frustrations rest on you husband. Don’t play the blame game, instead treat your husband with the same level of kindness that you would like to be treated with.
Ignoring Each Other When You Get Home From Work
This habit is more subtle, but it sets the tone for the rest of your day. Whenever your husband walks in the door greet him and give him a kiss. Don’t just ignore him or instantly start giving him a to-do list. Greeting him with love says that you still love him and missed him that day and that you are happy that he is home. Even if you take 30 seconds to do this it can make a big difference. It puts your priorities back into perspective.
Spending All Your Time on Your Phone
I am guilty of this. I’ll get on my phone, thinking I’ll just check Facebook real quick, but before you know it I’ve been staring at my phone for 30 minutes. It is such a waste of time. Sometimes, I say something to my husband and he won’t even hear because he is too engrossed in what he is looking at on his phone. Technology is a great tool to bring us together, but too much time spent with technology can pull us apart.
Your phone is not more important than your husband. So be sure to put it down and put your focus on building real relationships instead of wasting your time on your phone.
Now, I want you to understand a few things before your start freaking out that you are ruining your marriage. You aren’t perfect and your husband isn’t either! Don’t be too hard on yourself. You will make mistakes, just don’t let mistakes become habits. Also, if you have a problem with something that your husband is doing, don’t attack him. Pray for him and approach him with kindness at a convenient time. Try to talk to him about the issue and how it makes you feel and why you think it’s a problem without making him feel like he is being attacked. Jumping into the issue as soon as he walks in the door from work isn’t a good idea. Wait until you both have time to sit down and discuss the issue.
The good thing about habits is that with determination and intention they can change. Do you feel trapped by habits in your marriage? What can you do to change those bad habits? What other habits would you encourage wives to avoid?