It was December 28, 2015 and all the Christmas decorations at Hobby Lobby were 80% off. I had already found a few ornaments and poinsettias that I loved, but I was in search of one more thing: stocking holders. After a few minutes of searching I found a set of lovely set of red star stocking holders that would match our decor perfectly. There were only three left. We only needed two, but I hastily grabbed all three.
You see, in my mind we would have a baby by next Christmas. Or at least be very close to bringing our bundle of joy home so we would need that third stocking holder next Christmas for sure.
But things didn’t go according to plan.
The first few months of 2016 came and went with extreme excitement. My friend had a baby in February and my excitement grew even more. I imagined myself sharing the news of our pregnancy on Mother’s day and how much fun that would be. But Mother’s Day came and went. So imagined sharing the news on Father’s Day. That holiday came and went as well.
My sister announced her pregnancy and I was so, so thrilled to be an aunt 6 times over, but I was beginning to get discouraged for myself.
Summer hit us hard with the loss of my job and an terrible case of bed bugs. And I was actually thankful that we didn’t have a baby while dealing with that mess. By Fall 2016 things were looking better and I just knew that it would happen soon. But it didn’t.
In October we adopted our dog, Rocky. He is seriously the best dog ever and a wonderful distraction! But he didn’t quite feel the void that we felt.
Christmas came and went and the third red stocking holder stayed in the box. It taunted me as I hung glass ornaments and colorful lights on the tree. My husband suggested that we use it for the dogs but that didn’t seem right either.
And so we waited and so we prayed.
By January 2017, I was defeated. I made an appointment went through all the necessary testing and begin tossing around words like ‘infertility.’ Those were hard days but still we prayed and still we hoped.
In February, I finished my ‘testing’ and was told that nothing was wrong with me. A diagnosis that both eased my mind and frustrated me.
Then, five days after that last doctor appointment, I found out that I was pregnant with our little boy. Two days and eight pregnancy tests later I finally told Brian. Of course pregnancy isn’t easy, but there was peace in every little bout of morning sickness. I spend the first few months wondering if this was really real. Finally, at about 10 weeks along we told our families and eventually everyone else.
We finally had our miracle and I can never stop thanking God for him. It’ll be 14 more weeks before I see his face, but each little kick and back flip reminds me that he is here. Looking back, I understand that things happen in God’s timing and for a reason. Even whenever I want them to happen faster.
Each baby is such a blessing, but I feel like our wait makes him even more special. I don’t know, probably every mom feels that way, but I wondered if we would ever have a baby and the fact that he is here is an answer to so many days of prayers and so many nights of tears.
Over the past couple of weeks so many women have announced that they are pregnant. Friends, fellow bloggers, and even people I use to know from school. Probably 20 different people have announced that they are expecting. I am so happy for each and everyone of them. For some of them a baby was a surprise and for others it was after years of waiting. Some are even adopting. Each baby and each mom has a different story but all are loved just the same.
But my mind and my heart go out to those who are still waiting for a baby. For the ones who still pray for a miracle each day and who have their own set our challenges and doctor appointments to overcome. My wait was nothing compared to what you go through and my heart is heavy for you. If you are in the waiting stage, I am so sorry. I am praying all that time for your miracle, your state of mind, and peace.
I just wanted to share my story with you all today to let you know that God is always good and answers our prayers. Even though his answers are sometimes, ‘no’ or ‘wait.’ He gave me my miracle. This Christmas, we will be celebrating with a tiny six week old and you better believe that we’ll have three shiny red star stocking holders sitting on the mantle.
How has God answered your prayers lately? Did you find yourself waiting for a baby for longer than you would have liked? As moms, how can we support each other?